Growing Up in a Sceneless Small Town

The lovely lade who runs Les Fleurs Noires and Spooky University posted a video about goth scenes (or the lack thereof) on her YouTube a while back. I’ve been sitting on the topic for a while, and thought I should put in my two cents.

I grew up in a similarly small town in Minnesota (south rather than north). As much as I love my town, there weren’t exactly all that many people who were into subcultures of any sort. The closest thing we had to a scene when I was in high school was one lunch table filled with alternative folks. It was a crazy mishmash of protohipsters, Japanophiles, punk-ish folks, babybats, gamer geeks, and socially awkward spooky kids. There was no scene, really; there was just a small group of people who inhabited different subcultures who came together out of mutual strangeness and out of a need to find community in a social bubble that considered us the other.

When I went away to college, I was just barely 18 and ended up at a small Midwestern private college in small town Iowa. While it wasn’t exactly a haven for subculture, there were a few folks who embraced weirdness in a subcultural direction. One professor was a self-confessed goth. One of my good friends wore stompy boots and coveted Moitie dresses. Another friend spiked his hair, dyed it pink, and wore a Russian greatcoat. Still another friend listened to a good deal of heavy metal and industrial. But, while there wasn’t really a scene to speak of, we weren’t othered like my friends from high school. We wandered fluidly through our weirdness and found friends who accepted us as we were. Really, I miss my college friends terribly because they were some of the strangest, most accepting people I have ever known.

Now that I’m back in the area where I grew up after some time in the Twin Cities, I’m really beginning to realize just how tiny the presence of subculture is. There are apparently a few Lolitas in the next town over, but I have not met them yet. I haven’t seen a single black-clad soul. There have been no frills. I saw one gentleman who was either cosplaying or LARPing and I very nearly shouted out after him about how much I liked his armor. One of my younger friends let out a squee when she realized that I knew what Lolita was and could direct her to websites to learn more.

Honestly, it feels lonely. I miss having friends nearby who understand the chaos that is subculture.

However, through all of this, I'm glad that I’ve not been limited to a single scene. I have been allowed to play as much as I like. I haven’t faced cries of “this is not goth!” or “why are you listening to metal when you’re a Lolita?” I’ve been allowed to dabble in whatever styles I please, and be whatever person I want to be.

So, yes, It has been lonely and strange, but the lack of subculture does come with the occasional bright spot. And who knows? I might find a spooky or frilly underbelly to this area yet.

Sparkles for Your Feet: My Enduring Love of Shoe Clips

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A while back, one of the girls in my local Lolita community asked for constructive criticism on one of her first coordinates. One of her questions was about the color of her shoes. It was a black and pink coordinate, and she had gone with black tights and shoes.

Some of the girls suggested that she look for pink shoes, but I suggested shoe clips as an alternative. After explaining to her what they are, her response was quite enthusiastic:
“Oh. That is the greatest invention ever why haven't I heard of this? I am going to make myself some of those. Thank you so much! Great idea!”

Which got me thinking: why don’t people know about shoe clips?

Real Women are Sharks or Why I Don't Hate Skinny Girls

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I’ve been doing the fashion blogging thing for about a year and a half now, with occasional breaks for body politics, and I feel like there’s something I need to address. Even though I don't have a ton of blog followers.

I’m plus-sized. I am a big, curvy girl with big boobs, broad hips, and a little waist. And as a result I’ve heard a whole lot of things from people who were trying to be helpful and body positive:

“Real women have curves.”

“I don’t want to date a little boy. I want to date a real woman.”

“Real women.” To all the people who use “real women” to describe your ideal mate, to describe me, or to describe any other human being on the planet:

You’re. Not. Helping.

My First Con: Planning, Femme Failures, and When to Enlist Help

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I'm headed to my first convention this year!

Two of my friends and I decided a little while back that we would be attending Anime Detour this April in Minneapolis. While I don’t naturally gravitate to anime conventions – I enjoy anime but am much more of a science fiction and fantasy sort of girl – this is something my friends and I can enjoy together.

The planning stages for this are starting now because I need time to make a few accessories and to order a new pair of black Mary Janes. As such, I thought I’d share a bit of that planning with you.

To Commit or Not to Commit...

This year at detour, the Minnesota Lolita community is going to be hosting a panel. I don’t know if I am going to offer to participate, as I won’t be able to be a part of the planning and I've never been to a meet before. I'd feel awkward butting into a community activity when I'm not really a part of the community.

However, even though I am unsure about helping with the planning stages, I will definitely be attending the panel and dragging my friends along for the ride. I can’t wait to see what my fellow rufflebutts will put together.

I will also be dressing up. I would dress up even if there wasn’t going to be a Lolita presence at the con, but knowing there will be other frilly folk wandering about makes it an even more enjoyable thought.

If you're reading this and will be at the convention, I'll be the pudgy girl in black and gold (outfit planning pictures to come). Feel free to grab me and say hello, because I'd love to meet you in person.

I am Very Girly, but Sometimes not Girly Enough...

In starting to plan my outfit for the convention, I decided to go toward the OTT side of classic. And, since I'm branching out of my usual casual classic look, I decided that I needed to do up my nails for maximum girliness potential. However, I am awful at painting my nails.

Don't get me wrong, I can do nail polish. However, if I’m not careful my left hand will look delightful while my right will look like it was done by a blind five-year-old with a three-inch paintbrush. This is not a good look, especially when I’m planning to add touches like gold nail decals and maybe even rhinestones.

So I've decided to enlist help from my girls, who are much more talented at nail painting and, thankfully, willing to help me get my frills on. In convention planning, as in life, sometimes my own skills are simply not enough.

Food as Cute as I Hope to Be...

Yes, I plan to make these or something like them.
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I know this isn’t actually about fashion, but I thought it would be of interest to any cute-loving readers of mine that I’m going to pack a large bento for the con. When I say “large,” I mean “large enough for three people to eat.” It’s essentially going to be a bento picnic.

I’ve made very simple bentos before, but doing one on this scale is a new development for me. I’ve got a large bento box, am working on making a bag for carrying that box, and am doing research on new recipes so it can be extra tasty.

I just love the idea of making cute food to share with friends on the day of the convention. Yes, we’re in our mid-twenties, but there’s nothing that says we can’t still enjoy a sandwich decorated to look like Totoro.

In all, the convention should be a fun new experience for me, and I’ll try to make sure there are pictures to show you after it’s done.

A New Look!

You may have noticed that I've updated my blog design.

I’ve been writing this blog for almost two years, so I thought it was a good time to freshen up my blog design a bit. Not, of course, that the old design was bad, but I am ready for a change

I don’t know that I’m ever going to get sick of headers with paintings of young women reading, though. This new header features Carl Vilhelm Holsoe’s “Girl Reading in a Sunlit Room. It's just such a pretty painting I couldn't resist. I made the header in GIMP.

The background for the blog now comes from this pattern set. I wanted something a little more grungy, but retaining a bit of vintage flair.

I hope you'll forgive me the lack of proper post this week; I was busy working on the design!

The Lolita Questionnaire: Part V

81. What is your “everyday” style?

Out of Lolita, whatever’s on the top of the pile. There's an upcoming post about what I wear when I'm not in frills.

82. Do you think twice about buying second-hand clothes? (Closet Child, Egl, etc.)

Nope! Provided I’ve seen good pictures and there is some manner of safety net for feedback, I’m usually pretty good with it. I mean, I have been living in hand-me-downs and thrift store fare for years; I don’t see why my Lolita life should be any different.

83. Has Lolita had any affect on your romantic life, meaning, have you been in a healthy relationship, since finding the fashion/culture?

My boyfriend thinks it’s frilly? How I dress doesn’t really have any effect on the health of my relationship. My self-confidence does, but that's a result of more than just fashion.

84. *Dreamily* What is your ideal of a partner?

Someone smart, kind, and reasonably attractive. I like menfolk with pretty hands and nice voices.

85. What is your “deal breaker”? (Does not have to be related to the fashion)

Dishonesty! If people aren’t honest with me, I can’t deal with it.

86. *Gossip* Do you currently have someone you admire but feel they would reject you simply for wearing the fashion?

Anybody who would reject me entirely based on my clothing is not worth admiring. There are many facets of me, and I should hope they would at least respect my choice on this matter.

87. Would you, or have you worn, Lolita on a date? What would be your ideal date print/coord?

I’ve worn Lolita on several dates. At one point this past fall, I wore Bodyline’s gingham strawberry print (in saxe) to go on a picnic with my boyfriend, and it was lovely. I think my ideal coord really does depend on the event, because what I’d wear to a picnic is very different from what I’d wear to the theater.

88. Tell us the Lolita you admire the most, and why(?)

It depends on the day. Really, the person I admire most is whoever has most recently created something beautiful and expressive with the fashion.

89. What coord are you the most pleased with? Are there coords you wish to improve?

None, and yes. I’m always hoping to improve, but I don’t really classify things I am “most” proud of. I just work for an upward trend in quality.

90. Assuming you wanted a family, would you like for your children to wear the fashion?

If they wanted to, yes. If not, then I wouldn’t make them. I’d want children who had a good sense of self, whether that involved Lolita or not.

91. Have you ever dreamed about having your own Brand/Off-Brand/Store/Shop? If so, how do/did you imagine it?

Not really. I’ve considered starting my own shop, but it’s not related to Lolita at all.

92. What is your favorite Lolita motif? (Gothic, Sweet, Classic, etc.)

Classic.

93. Is there a sub-fashion you adore and wish was more popular or accepted? (Qi/Wa, Country, Cyber Lolita, etc.) 

I love country lolita, and I wish it was more popular if just because finding accessories is tougher. Qi  and Wa lolita are gorgeous when done right, and I wish they were more popular if just so we could have more examples of them done right. Otherwise, I generally wish people were more accepting of PLAY in the fashion, because sometimes the community doesn’t do well with constructive criticism.

94. Is there an element in a print that you’re drawn to and adore? (Carousel, Religious Imagery, Chocolate, etc.)

Books. Crowns. Fairy tale prints. Florals. Nature prints. Swans. Fine art prints (depending on the art). Stained glass.

95. Is there a limit to how much you are willing to spend on a given coord?

Nope. It’s about cost per wear. I’m budget conscious, but it’s not an outfit-by-outfit basis. It’s based on whether an item pulls its weight in my wardrobe.

96. What was your most expensive coord?

Anything involving my Meta JSK. It wasn’t expensive in the traditional sense of the term, given that the JSK was 90 dollars and in good condition, but that is certainly more than I usually spend. I also have to go more OTT with the coords because of all the detail in the JSK itself. It demands a more ornate presentation, and that by its very nature makes any coord more expensive.

97. What, personally, do you feel is symbolic of Lolita?

If I must pick something symbolic, I’d say a garden of flowers. Everything is different, but they’re all frilly and pretty.

98. How do you feel about character inspired coords? (Not Cosplay, based on a character) 

You already know the answer to this. I like them rather a lot.

99. Do you tend to shop with any Lolita Artist Shops? (Etsy Shops or other non Off-Brand or Brand shops)

Yes. Especially for my accessories.

100. top five favorite prints of all time!

• Grazia Crown
•  British Library
• Mozarabic Chant
• Midsummer Night’s Dream
• Ruins Cathedral

The Lolita Questionnaire: Part IV

61. “There are rules in wearing Lolita”, how true is this statement to you? To what extent?

It’s true… ish. There are rules, but once you’ve got the hang of the style then I say feel free to bend or break a few.

62. Are you a crafty Lolita (Do you make your own accessories and/or pioneer your coords)?

Oh, heck yes! Apart from altering garments to suit my shape, I’ve made most of my own hair accessories and intend to start making clothing once my mother lets me use her serger.

63. Do you believe that there is an age limit to Lolita?

No, but I believe that everyone should consider both what is flattering and what makes them happy.

64. Finish this thought: Whatever you do, never…

Act with cruelty. Constructive criticism is one thing, but being a bully is another.

65. Is there an ideal image of what you feel a Lolita should be or that you aspire to be?

For me, I aspire to be the sort of person who is happy in what I’m wearing, generally put together, and kind enough that my clothing doesn’t matter as much as my personality.

66. What is your opinion of Brolitas?

Same as everybody else in the fashion: glad to meet you.

67. Has Lolita changed your life? If so, how?

Yes and no. Lolita has given me the confidence I needed in a lot of situations and allowed me to reclaim a few things I had lost over the years. I wholeheartedly believe that I would have gotten there eventually. Lolita just got me there faster.

68. What has been your friends and family’s general reaction to Lolita? How have you responded?

Positive, generally. I have only received one “You do know that’s a sex thing…” comment, which was just a terminology thing and was quickly shrugged off once I mentioned that there’s cultural and language differences that come into play in international fashion. Otherwise, everyone has been positive.

69. Does weather tend to affect you, while in Lolita?

Somewhat. Most of my clothes are either solid-colored or Bodyline, so running isn’t really an issue. Also, I have a massive umbrella collection that I must tell you about someday, so I’ve got a brolly to match almost every outfit.

70. Have you gone to school or work in Lolita?

Yes. I haven’t been to my current job in Lolita, but I’m working up to it.

71. Your top 5 Brands/and or Off-Brands?

• Mary Magdalene
• Juliette et Justine
• Megan Maude
• Krad Lanrete
• Eat Me Ink Me

72. Do you tend to wear more Jumperskirts or One Piece Dresses? Do you have a preference?

I wear more JSKs because I haven’t found many OPs that fit over my bust. That problem should go away when I get around to making my own clothes, since I’ve got a few great patterns for OPs ready and waiting. For summer, I really do prefer OPs because of simplicity and decreased layering.

73. Have you ever used a shopping service?

Nope.

74. Do you tend to look at the Japanese or English/Overseas Sites?

It depends on whether they HAVE an English site. I do check prices in Yen/USD and examine the conversion rate, though.

75. Is there a pair of  print OTK or UTK that you really want or love owning?

Nope. I’ve got chunky legs and they tend to distort prints, so I stick to patterned tights.

76. Do you enjoy or dislike prints in Lolita?

I like subtler prints. Some prints are too busy for my taste.

77. Do you have a coord you’re most proud of?

Nope. I’m always working to create better coords, so I don’t bother being “most proud” of any of them. I’m either proud or not proud, and I work from there.

78. Are you a savvy shopper? (Meaning, do you tend to wait for sales, find discounts and/or look to Etsy shops or non-lolita items to finish coords and cut costs?)

Oh, yes. Thrift stores, vintage anything, handmade… honestly, if I like it and it’s inexpensive, I don’t care if it’s not brand.

79. Do most of your coords turn out the way you initially intended?

Because I don’t dress for events most of the time, I don’t usually “intend.” I just sort of throw together what looks good and makes me happy at the time.

80. Do find yourself preferring one type of accessory over another? (Headdresses, Jewelry, Bags, etc.)

Hair accessories and hats are a huge thing for me. I also love brooches.