Thursday, December 24, 2015

Recovery Frills: Staying Frilly When You Don’t Feel Like Much of Anything

This is going to be kind of a downer post, guys, but it's something that's been on my mind and I want to address it. If you want a happier post for Christmas Eve, here are a couple of recommendations before you get into the meat of my post:
Okay, now for the serious stuff. Grab hot beverage and settle in.

I’ve had a rough couple of months, which included a number of car issues and my grandfather passing away. As a result, I haven’t been feeling like dressing up. I’ve barely had it in me to wear a skirt to work, let alone dress up properly on the weekend. This has taken quite a toll on the holidays, which are usually my favorite time to dress up.

So what’s a girl to do?

Don’t Force Yourself

I’ve been at a place where dressing in Lolita is simply not in the cards at the moment, and that’s okay. I need to give myself a little space, and I’m doing that. If I didn’t, I’d fear that I’d start to resent my frills, and that’s the last thing that I want to happen.

Plan Something Nice

It has been helping me a lot to plan out a coordinate. Not to wear, just to plan. It’s okay if you do wear the coordinate eventually, but just enjoy the artistry of planning it for now without the pressure of needing to wear it out.

Start Small

Are you ready to start going back to your frills? Start small. Because I spent a lot of time in sweaters and jeans, I’ve been slowly introducing skirts or nicer blouses. Taking baby steps has made it feel more natural than suddenly jumping into full coordinates (even if I do tend toward the toned-down classic).

Accessories are another great way to start small. I’ve started with hair accessories and jewelry to bring myself back into my style, wearing a ring one day or some nicer shoes the next. It might not be a complete outfit, but it’s a start.

This is an illustration of the sort of trajectory I’m working on taking myself. I’ve finally gotten myself about to number 3, but it's taken some time to get there.

Slow Transition

Take Care of Yourself

For me, my clothing is a direct reflection of how I’m feeling. The better I feel, the fancier I want to be. As a result, I’ve been focusing on my emotional state first and foremost, my clothing second. Sometimes, it helps to dress up a bit. Sometimes, I need to let my clothing go and focus on doing other things that make me happier.

If you’re going through a difficult time – and especially if you’re going through a difficult time during the holidays – take care of yourself. You are more important than your wardrobe. Your clothes will be there when you feel better, and they’ll be there for you if you need them to feel better.

I hope everyone has a good holiday, whether good for you means happy and sparkly or simply peaceful.


  1. Wonderful post. I'm so sorry about your grandfather, but it's good that you're taking care of yourself and not allowing your clothing to be another added source of stress <3

    I can absolutely related because a couple weeks my dad was in the emergency room, and for a while there things were rocky. Clothing was the last thing on anyone's mind as we all threw on sweatpants, sweaters and slippers. I don't even know if any of my family combed their hair for a few days. But the day they moved him into a different room, which indicated he was almost strong enough to come home, I actually dressed up. So where you mention about feeling better and thus wanting to feel fancier, it absolutely rings true. Sometimes I think people feel this pressure that dressing up will automatically make them feel better and that's just not true for everyone. It's an effort, and one we shouldn't allow to stress us out.

    1. Thank you for your kind comment!

      I think it's harder when dressing up does usually make you feel better, because then if you try not only are you expending the effort to do what should be self care but the self care doesn't work. That's extra stressful.

  2. This is something I've been struggling with for the better part of a year now, I don't think I've dressed up once since...last winter sometime. For real. I'm really starting to wonder if I should just give up my wardrobe and live in leggings/sweaters from now on.

    A majority of my issues stems from stress at "home", stress with my boyfriend, and a lot of unresolved mental health problems. A part of me hopes that if I do start dressing up again, I might feel more like myself and better able to tackle some of this stuff, but there's no guarantee.

    1. *hugs* Baby steps, I guess, both on the stresses of life and on dressing up. I wish you luck with yours.