Friday, August 30, 2013

Conversations in an Attempt to Figure Out What to Wear to a Wedding

I fear that my life among human beings has hit a slight snag. I have not one but two weddings to attend this fall. One is on Sunday and I am having a hard time navigating social norms in terms of dress while still being true to my personal style.

I have been to weddings, of course, but it's been years since I was at a wedding where I had any say in what I wore. The last two weddings I went to had dress code information given to me. I was to wear a bunad to one of them and a black dress to the other. As a result, I have no recent memory whatsoever of what is considered normal in these sorts of social occasions.

And, because I'm me, a strange thing happened, which is the same thing that normally happens when I try to talk about social norms. Suddenly, I start talking like I'm an alien anthropologist trying to decipher the strange rituals of a particular tribe of another species.

 Part the First: Contemporaries

Me: I am confused.
How does one clothe one's naked body in order to attend the hu-man* ritual called "wedding"?
College friend: Depends on the ritual. What type of hu-man are participating?
Me: The type of hu-man who are friends with one [name of groom] are participating in the ritual. Unfortunately, I possess only limited knowledge of the moral code known as "normal" in the Murrikan^ tribe of the hu-man species.
College friend: I suggest a kilt like apparatus so as to blend with the indigenous tribe, though camouflaging may be required so as to mask your operations of the ritual.
Me: I have heard that, in the Murrikan tribe, these garments are often decorated with images of the genitals of local plant life. Is this so?
College friend: I am unfamiliar with the exact practices of this tribe, but I believe this may be a good hypothesis.
Me: It would make sense, given that this "wedding," I am given to understand, is at least in part a fertility rite. Perhaps I shall test this hypothesis about the decoration of native Murrikan kilt-like garments.

Part the Second: Parental Beings

Me: I am confused. What does one clothe oneself with in order to attend the hu-man ritual called "wedding"?
Father: Nothing.
Me: We are not on Betazed. I fear that would be inappropriate in the Murrikan culture. 

* Pronounced \‘hü-mȯn\ 
^ Pronounced \‘mər-i-kin\


  1. Ahah XD this was very funny, and yet so true!
    I never know what to wear at weddings. I'm like "is this too black? Too short? Too long? Too bright? Is that cleavage too wide?"
    People seem to just *know* what to wear at those events; but when I'm asked to give up black and, like, match colours and be elegant... I'm clueless.
    Did you find a proper outfit eventually :D?

    1. "is this too black?" You speak my language.

      The wedding's tomorrow, but I've finally figured out what to wear. I had one thing in mind yesterday, but then the skirt I wanted was nowhere to be found. Found a new outfit today. It's black and teal, so that's not too black, right?

    2. Well, teal is a bright colour, so no one can say you didn't try XD!
      In the meantime, I was invited to a wedding too and now I have your same problem... the bride's a goth too, but the ceremony's going to be very traditional (in a church and everything) so now I don't know what to to ;_; too much black in my wardrobe!

    3. Indeed! I actually had a lot of people compliment my outfit, including the groom.

      As for you, try adding one color to brighten it up. I tend to add color in knee-length skirts and my accessories and just let the rest of my outfit be black. I've even clipped colored flowers to the necklines of my lolita JSKs (most of which are solid black) to keep them from getting too funereal. Granted, that wasn't for a wedding, but social events of other types can still be hard to dress for.

      And, since the bride's a goth, she's unlikely to feel insulted by whatever amount of black you choose to wear. That's helpful.