Thursday, August 9, 2012

Lolita Ladies: On Behavior

Oh, Lolita behavior.

Lolita is a crazy fashion in terms of expectations. I'm not sure why the way that I dress is supposed to have an effect on the way that I behave, but apparently it does. The message that I get from people is that if you dress like a demure princess, there is some expectation that you will behave like a demure princess. There is a strange expectation of weakness, of immaturity, of being out-of-touch with reality, or of believing that we should be treated like a princess.

And then there's Lolita on the internet. On the internet, Lolita can turn into an anonymity-fueled catfight.

That's not to say that every Lolita on the internet is an "Ita!" screaming crazy person ready to flay any beginner who comes near with the shards of a broken teacup. Many of the Lolitas I have spoken to on the net have been perfect ladies to me, welcoming and inviting and very kind about their constructive criticism. However, there is that small group of people making the fashion more difficult for us as a whole.

And where do I come into this world of proper behavior? Personally, I collect etiquette manuals. I read every single one of them (one day, I'll share their beauty advice because it is hysterical). I read Gothic Charm School regularly because it is gold mine of advice for good behavior while wearing strange clothing. I'm a Miss Manners protegee with a reputation around town for being helpful and kind. I hold doors open. I smile demurely and say "thank you." I don't cuss in front of children. I talk to puppies and chat with old ladies.

But I'm also a sarcastic creature with a blacker-than-black sense of humor, a great enjoyment of historical weaponry, and a tendency to speak my mind when I feel it needs speaking.

Ladies, I'd like to invite you to my idea of Lolita behavior: it's just like any other behavior, but in frills. Seriously. A good way to live your life is by being polite when you're able, decisive when you're not, and never rude without reason. That doesn't mean you can't be sarcastic or tell crude jokes. That doesn't mean you have to speak perfectly every time. It just means that you should follow the golden rule. Yes, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It works.

Because, really, Lolitas shouldn't be required to act in a way that is cuter or more refined than anyone else simply because of the way they dress. Just work on being a good human being and you'll be well on your way to being a well-behaved Lolita.

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